bangs head on microplane

[ari_o]

We put up our wedding registry yesterday and I still feel weird asking people to buy us gifts. I also included a link to donate to The American Cancer Society because both my parents and my grandmother died from cancer. So many of my friends have lost loved ones to cancer. Apart from actually coming to our wedding the best thing guests can do is donate to a cause that is helping current patients and trying to find a cure. We'll live without crazy knives and fish poachers just fine.

Vent about BNfs and wankiness and illusory perceptions:

I really don't understand what prompted someone to ask me if we sent sapphireisle an iPod because her mum was sick and she was a BNF. Is she a BNF? I didn't know. I never know who is considered what except for the obvious four names that get tossed around. And I really don't care. I've screened the comment but kept my response open because I wanted to reiterate why I did what I did for Jillian but I did not want to start a wank war or point fingers at the poster who asserted I did it only because of BNFness. Plus I would feel like an idiot for making a post like that in retrospect and on the off chance that the poster feels the same I didn't want to subject him/her to that. and on the off chance the the poster is looking for wank or attention? Not going there either. You can go. Send me a raunchy post card I can read over coffee.

I love that on livejournal the gloves come off. People say things they probably wouldn't in real life or to a person's face. But the greed and jealousy and insecurity that comes with the honesty is often just plain pathetic. Of course I know people can be pathetic. I am pathetic too. Often. It is part of the human package. Is there a gene for patheticness? I wish we could turn the sucker off. However I am way passed sick of hearing "I wish I was a BNF so people would send me gifts, worship at my feet, peel me grapes,launch a thousand ships,etc." If you really feel that way you need therapy or exerise or vitamins or a clue. Being a BNF is an illusion. You need to realize that people don't just hand you things in life because you are well known unless you have given them something too, or they perceive that you have given them something. A thrill, a quickening heartbeat, a fun story to read, an amazing and huge resource or website, a laugh, a cute face or ass or cowlick to drool over. And no matter how many people piss on that person's looks, accomplishments, or behaviour it doesn't mean that there wasn't something laudible there, that there wasn't something genuine in the first place. Because this is all about deeply flawed and subjective human perception. Illusory? I dunno. What do you think? Have you ever seen it? Sitting in a tree eating grubs? It is like a damn photon except no wave or particle, just like and dislike.

I am so tired of the hard work being overlooked and pissed on. And people making easy targets of other people to make themselves feel better or cooler, or just because they can. And if you do that and enjoy it well I can't see why you'd care what I think or even be reading this. I'm just a pudgie girl in Massachussetts with too many damn opinions and some very specious logic.

Some of you may consider this ironic as I have been part of Fandom Wank at times. I originally joined because I was being wanked. I then met some cool people over there and shared some laughs. I also met a lot of assholes over there. Gee, I guess that is like life. Meet some cool people and some assholes and then you die.

I ultimately drifted away from f_w as I have from fandom because I am too busy with real life shit. Marriage, moving, starting grad school has eaten up all my time. I miss a lot of people in fandom and on lj but there is some stuff I am glad not to run into on a daily basis anymore. People who think they deserve special treatment and whine about not getting any? I am really really sorry if you were ignored or teased as a kid. But who the fuck wasn't? Get over it. Life is hard
, cruel at times. And I think most of us don't even have a clue about how really bad it can be. So unless you are concentration camp survivor, a genocide survivor, grew up in a war zone, were starved, abused, beaten to paralysis, or partly cannibalized--everyone has had it just as hard as you do. No matter what you think. So get the fuck over it.

I don't pretend to be a special, kind, or superior kind of person. I'm just me. I'm as fucked up and mean as anyone else is. I've done a lot of crap in my life I cringe to think about. I don't have to always make sense. People don't usually. To quote a veteran wanker "I am a beautiful and unique snowflake!" And I would add, "Please ignore the girl behind the curtain." But I cannot keep my mouth shut when people second guess or gripe about a good deed. So there.

Comments

[kay-taylor.livejournal.com]

People who think they deserve special treatment and whine about not getting it. I am really really sorry if you were ignored or teased as a kid. But who the fuck wasn't? Get over it. Life is hard. Cruel at times. And I think most of us don't even have a clue about how really bad it can be. So unless you are concentration camp survivor, a genocide survivor, grew up in a war zone, were starved, abused, and beaten, or partly cannibalized--everyone has it just as hard as you do. No matter what you think. So get the fuck over it.

Er, I think I love you. This is, like, my manifesto for life.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

The only thing that bugs me more than the whining is when people try to tell me that they think I've had it harder. Please do not induce me to throw a big pity party when we can celebrate something fun instead.

I love you too. I hope we get to meet some day.

[kay-taylor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the pity one-upmanship is really terrible. Leave my trauma out of this! Look, there's porn - shiny things!

<3

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

shiiiiiny porn

[kay-taylor.livejournal.com]

There was a <3 on the end of that, but LJ ate it for dinnnnnnerrrrrr.

<3

[gamps-garret.livejournal.com]

I adore you. I always have, and I always will, but when you iterate so completely and honestly why there are times when life sucks and that doesn't mean we get to roll over and whine, I love you even more. It's life, folks -- accept the sweet with the bitter or find your way off this swiftly tilting planet.

I got your save-the-date magnets, too! It's crazy, only opening mail once a week. And I would love to come! *waits for the full invitation*

I feel a little weird donating to ACS for you (though thank you so much for doing that!), so I will be bringing you a present, but it will be a supremely useful, beautiful thing.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

We love presents, but we both feel very weird and almost creepy putting up a list of them for family and friends to pick from. I would have skipped it if people didn't keep asking! (parents and aunst and uncles mostly)

Invites will go out in June sweetie.

So tell me about next week? Are you coming? When? What are your plans!

[gamps-garret.livejournal.com]

Hurrah for June!

Um.... next week? *looks at calendar* Nothing marked down for Boston... what did I forget? Ack!

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Aprill 22? The Relay for Life thing at Harvard? I thought you were coming. :(

[gamps-garret.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. To be honest, I hadn't thought of coming out for it. It's... Friday, right?

Hmmmmm. I suppose I could. I don't have plans next weekend...

Yes! Let me talk to m supervisor tomorrow about taking Friday "off" and actually making it a business trip -- I can spend an hour or so with the Boston-based staff, and hang out with you. What are your plans for the weekend? Can you Y!M tomorrow night or should I call?

<3

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Call please!

Why did I think you were coming to that?

[devilzzz.livejournal.com]

So there indeed. You don't have to pretend, because you are because you know who you are and don't fake it. That is special. Thank you for writing this entry.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

:)

[fangexploring.livejournal.com]

So true. It's finding and meeting people like you that makes this(LJ and fandom) such a life changing experience for me. Thank you for your honesty, Katie, and sharing you with us. It's reading you write "get over it" repeatedly that I have finally started to during the last year, and it's one of the things that I really needed to learn. Thank you for the truths too, I really needed to hear them.

♥

p.s. the link to the American Cancer Society seems to have changed, try this one: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/DON/don_0.asp

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

oi! thank you!!

Sorry for spamming your journal

[annephoenix.livejournal.com]

I don't really know you (seen your name around), but really appreciated reading your little rant...

I've never become massively involved in the fandom. Write lots of fanfic, read lots of fanfic, write some reviews, leave some comments, join in some challenges... but keep well away from sinking in too deep. As much as I love reading everyone's long and heated discussion, I often fear it's all getting just that bit too serious for me. And I think your post made me realise, or remember, that crossing fandom over with "real life" is where it gets tricky. When people drag their "underprivileged" lives into reviews or bitching! posts, I think this means they've lost the real pleasure of the fandom. The pleasure of reading, writing, and discussing...

(I'm not even going to go into the detrimental effects of teenage angst *lol*)



That all said: many congratulations! I hope you have a fabulous wedding... even though it's in ages! And enjoy the presents... because however much ones asks people to donate money to a good cause, they can't help but shower one with presents, too!

Anne

Re: Sorry for spamming your journal

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

I love to get and give presents. But posting lists of things feels strange to me. I felt guilty the entire time I was doing it!

I have issues. :)

[verstehen.livejournal.com]

I'd like to launch a thousand ships! Then I could conquer the ruins of Troy!

The first step to ruling the world!

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

You could be a cool Helen/Hector hybrid. :D

[verstehen.livejournal.com]

Dude, I always wondered why Helen launched a thousand ships and no one remembered Iphigenia... whose sacrifice really launched Agammnon's fleet.

But Hector = cool, so I'm okay with it. :D

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Poor girl. Killed for wind!

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know I don't have it that rough. Sure, I may be sick, unemployed, and in debt up to my ears, but at least I'm all those things in Massachusetts and not, say, Sri Lanka. Doesn't mean I don't have the right to whine, but I do try to keep things in perspective.

I would never beg for money from my friends, though, especially my online ones. It would embarrass me to put them in that position, and most of them are as broke as I am anyway. Besides, the best things I've gotten online have been things I didn't ask for.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Man oh man. All of that sounds like way too much stress. I thought you still worked for the evil empire.

I suck at keeping up with people around here. I had no idea you had so much crap going on.

*squish*

I've seen your posts about the cold from hell or whatever it was that you have had. Woe!

I hope that is better now.

I start grad school in the fall and am terrified about the debt.

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Well, technically I now work for a temp agency that caters to the Evil Empire. I would like a more permanent position, though, preferably one that won't make me want to claw my eyes out from sheer boredom.

My cold is actually much better, thanks. I credit the copious napping. And tea. Mmm, tea.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Hard to find those. I will be so damn glad to quit my job in July. Ugh.

I just saw all the trials and tribulations you are having with Emerson. Whoa. Are they on crack?

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

Emerson is so on crack it's not even funny anymore. The administration has its head up its collective ass.

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

Makes me very glad I did not apply there. I'm so sorry to hear that are putting you through the mill.

*makes mad face at Emerson*

[cosmorific.livejournal.com]

See, the faculty are awesome. The other students are equally awesome. It's just the people in charge of not fucking my financial situation all to hell that suck my left one.

[crazysexy-cool.livejournal.com]

Amen.

[maartexx.livejournal.com]

I miss out on all the fun. Wah!

Why do I spend NO time in fandom? Partly because I have way too much other life to live, and partly because I hear enough whining IRL. I have never done FW--who has time? I am always amazed by people with that much time on their hands.

*squash*

[ari-o.livejournal.com]

I don't have that time anymore. :)

[illmantrim.livejournal.com]

You are a groovy person and I for one am glad to know you.